Parenting

10 Parenting Principles I Believe In

1.     Children will learn more by what you do, than by what you say. However, what you say and how you say it is still vitally important. Language is important.

2.     Discipline must be an act of love rather than mere punishment. What you want and expect discipline to accomplish is vitally important. Be clear minded about its purpose.

3.     Do not allow your children to hold you hostage to the fact that you are not a perfect parent. Reasonably good parenting is a much more realistic and healthy goal. In the end, there will be things our children will need to learn to forgive us for, and that is also an important principle of doing life that works.

4.     Physical punishment, never abuse, should be reserved for a very few, non-negotiable situations that must be reinforced as strongly and quickly as possible.  Some reasonable physical discomfort (temporary pain) is not the same as abuse. Used sparingly and wisely, it will have the greatest positive impact.

5.     Physical punishment should be quick, to the point (void of long and tedious lectures), and then it is over, followed by a demonstration of love and acceptance. “I love you, but that particular behavior will not, and cannot be accepted…it is ultimately dangerous to you and the person you will become.”

6.     You are born with incredible value. You don’t have to prove yourself or earn it, including to yourself. Reinforce this idea constantly.

7.     Parenting is the ongoing assignment of allowing you to recognize, to keep, and to grow a sense of personal value in your children.

8.     The spiritual and moral development of children requires guidance, and should not be left totally to their own choices.  Requiring spiritual and moral input does not have to be abusive and controlling.

9.     You cannot, and should not try to protect your kids from every minor danger, difficulty or failure. Life is about ups and downs, so let them learn that within the context of love and acceptance.  A “blue ribbon” for everything they do is not reality. Pain is the result of some choices. They must learn to accept some things they do not choose and do not particularly like….including food.

10.  Give them ways to earn things they value.  Otherwise, they will have everything and value nothing.  This is a huge disservice. Just because you didn’t have it growing up, does not always mean that you should give it to them. Even if you have the money…make them earn things.

Note to parents:  The degree to which you have difficulty with these principles in your life, will be somewhat equal to the difficulty you have in passing them on to your children.